Can I Bring My Mom And Dad?

Helicopter-ParentingI find it strange how young adults who are over 18 want to invite their parents to meetings with higher education administration.  Is this appropriate? Or am I just old school?  We’ve heard of the rise of helicopter parents who think they are helping but I think this may be to the detriment of the child. Sometimes students will say “My parents pay my tuition and they believe they should be included”, while this may be accurate I wonder how helpful it is for the student’s personal development for parents or guardians to speak to administrators on behalf of their children.

At times parents support or promote clear violations of policies or guidelines that are in place and they believe they are entitled to do so because they “pay an administrators salary”. I’ve heard stories of parents secretly signing offer letters on behalf of their children, advising a child to withdraw from an interview without sufficient notice (same day) or to accept offers only to renege at later date when something better comes along. I can appreciate a parent advocating on behalf of their child especially in instances of unfair treatment but at what point does a parent move out of the way and allow a child to make decisions about their own lives? Does the child have to be 18, 21 or 44? Where does directing and supporting your child end and enabling bad behavior begin?


3 thoughts on “Can I Bring My Mom And Dad?

  1. One of the first things my husband and I were told when we attended our daughter’s college orientation was “She is considered an adult here, she will make her own decisions.” We had raised her this way so for us this transition was easy. She grew up watching me navigate college and work and raising her and I believe she saw independence in that and absorbed it. We believed when she entered college she was an adult. She was an adult in the eyes of the law and we wanted her to be able to take care of herself when she graduated. I am proud to say she graduated with a degree in biology, she works for a great local company, is happily married and has a son and is wise beyond her years. She didn’t need me or her dad to be there to negotiate her college years. She was confident and capable and in the end she made mistakes and learned from them. (Some parents don’t want their children to experience pain in any way..but how else do you learn?)

    • Sounds like you trusted your daughter and yourself to know that you instilled within her the desire to grow and learn from her personal experience.

      • Yes, it was definitely tough to trust that we had given her the tools she needed but it’s going to help when our 16 year old is in the same position, should she attend college.

        I love your blog by the way!

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